From Hypervigilance to Sustainability: A Lesson in Letting Go

I had a realization last week that stopped me in my tracks: I often try to have the answer before the question is even asked. And it’s exhausting me. 

I see it most clearly in my parenting. I work overtime trying to prevent meltdowns, frustration, or even brief discomfort for my kids. Heaven forbid they are uncomfortable for a few minutes. I almost hit my breaking point at my daughter’s dance class when my son was “dying of hunger,” I felt the familiar spiral start: I’m a bad mom. I should have packed one more snack.

In my business, it looks like me micromanaging my team, even though I know they are more than capable. It looks like me checking and double checking the consent forms and the schedule. It looks like me sending out emails to businesses at 10pm to let them know about our services, because what if noone knows what Brightside is and we stop getting referrals?!

To my core, I struggle to “go with the flow.” What I’m describing is not normal preparation, it’s hypervigilance.

This shows up over and over again in parenting, my work, my relationships… just everywhere. 

I could blame it on my anxiety, or my personality, or a whole bunch of things. But at the end of the day, trying to anticipate all the needs and bumps in the road ahead of time is going to burn me out. 

The past two weeks, my best friend (who also works with me… I am the luckiest human to have her on my side) and I worked through a tentative five-year business plan and marketing strategy for the year. After we had these meetings, I realized that the systems we have worked so hard to put in place are working. This thing is moving, and I don’t need to be in this hypervigilant state of overthinking all the time. I can trust my team, the systems reduce my mental load, and there is sustainability where there used to be urgency. And now, I get to continue to work on the sustainability piece, and how exciting is that?

In a similar way, the more I anticipate my kids’ needs, the less I allow them to figure it out themselves. When I rush to smooth every bump in the road, I take away opportunities for them to struggle, adapt, and grow. In trying to protect them from discomfort, I take them out at the knees. Resilience isn’t built in comfort, it’s built in the moments we so often rush to rescue them from.

Because kids need discomfort. They need to experience frustration. They need to learn that these moments are not a sign that something is wrong. In fact, the learning happens in the midst of frustration. The learning happens when we stick with it, feel the discomfort, and keep pushing. 

Ultimately, discomfort isn’t the enemy. It’s a teacher. Whether it’s in parenting, business, or relationships, I’m realizing that growth happens when we allow space for imperfection. Maybe the real answer is to stop trying to have all the answers, and start embracing the questions as they come. 

If this resonates, whether you’re navigating parenting, anxiety, burnout, or the pressure to do it all alone, support can help. Growth doesn’t require having all the answers, but it often happens in a healthier way with the right support. If you’re looking for psychological services for yourself or a family member, we’re here to help.